can we all say lazy?
So here it is at 3:12 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon, and I am trying desperately to think up a good excuse for calling in to the hell hole and telling them that I just can't work tonight! Oh, I am supposed to be there at 5:30! Love bud says to call and just say "I'm not gonna make it in tonight" and leave it at that. Well, than I wouldn't be able to lie my ass off would I? Also, since i have waited until 2 hours before I am supposed to be there, I need to get creative ya know? Here are some things I have come up with so far.
1. Flat tire...lame I know, but it could work.
2. Sick...always a risky one cause they could ask for a doctors slip. Bitches!
3. Herpes are acting up. Wait forget that one...consequences down the road.
4. A volcano has risen up from under my house and blocked the driveway...so, cant get there!
5. The white trash down the road stole the tires off my car...wait, that makes me white trash cause we live in the same neighborhood right? Scratch that one.
6. I HATE ALL OF YOU FUCKERS!!!!! Yep, we have a winner!!
If I actually had the balls to use #6, my next post would, I'm sure, be about my exhaustive job search to find another shit ass job!
Speaking of balls, someone (EGAN) mentioned benoit(sp?) in my comment section from a different post...and being a nosy (I mean curious) type of girl, I went surfing to find out just what these things are...drum roll please...they are metal balls (2) that you shove up your ass!!! The idea is that when they (the balls) hit against each other you are supposed to get a jolt of pleasure!
Now, me being the nasty chick that I am, I immediately start thinking up all sorts of scenarios to use these things...and all of the complications that could arise!
1. First off, wouldn't they be noisy? 2 balls clanging around in your ass???
2. What if you didn't have enough lube, and your partner really wanted to try them out? OUCH!!!
3. Say you were, I don't know, using them alone...and you put them in and went to work...just for fun you know?.....and they fell out in the middle of a busy shift?
See, I think they would be too much trouble...but just in case, I ordered some and they should be here, via express delivery, in about 3 days, so I will let you all know! hahahahaahahahahah You know you are wondering if I am serious or not...you filthy minded little people! Shame on you!
Well, I am gonna go for now so I can try to think up some more excuses for my bitch ass bosses!
see ya
wmy
7 comments:
Tell them you can't come to work because a charming stranger from Las Vegas is trying to sweep you off your feet.
Todd- That might actually work if they weren't a bunch of heartless SOB's! lol I started my piggy bank savings to come to see ya and I have $5.00 so far...maybe I can start another business venture...whoring is always an easy way out right? hahaha
Or, you could start your own benoit balls outlet store. Should go over really well in the GR area, LMAO!
So what one did you use?
I had a friend that said they were going to funeral and that is why they couldn't go to class back in our college days, and the prof asked for the Obit.
Jenn- that is a fubulous idea!
phats- none, my dumb ass went to work of course!
phats- I know...(head hanging in misery) I will try to do better next time!lol
Alright I will tell you but you must keep it a secret.
When nutty and I went to McDonalds and we left my friend's apartment, nutty forgot to shut the door. We got back from McDonalds and the door to the Apt was WIDE OPEN! They, my friend and her fella were still sound asleep, and nutty felt bad. Later that night we went somewhere and my friend said make sure the door shuts sometimes it doesn't shut tight, and we busted out laughing!
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